This post is part of a 14 ways to help rebuild self-confidence series. We are working our way through the letters of SELF CONFIDENCE with this week’s focus being on the C in Confidence. Previously covered are Self Compassion & Self Care, 10 Ways to Enjoy your Life, Learning, Love & Laughter, and Finding your passion & your happy place.
One thing that assists in a sense of Self-Confidence is feeling in control of your own destiny. Have you heard the saying “the pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand”?
There are many things you can do to be in control of your own destiny but on this occasion we are talking about your day-to-day life, the sense of control you have over the activities that fill each moment of your days, and the impact of those choices on you and those you love.
Do you have a jam-packed schedule, the result of which means that your life is like being on a treadmill where you never or rarely get to hit pause let alone have time to stop, hop off, and smell the roses? Maybe you’re always feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted?
Have you ever made some time to take stock of what activities are filling the hours of each of your days, and then identify which ones really aren’t necessarily serving you and your current needs so could be eliminated or which activities could be delegated to someone else … so that you CAN find some time to pause and/or stop to smell the roses?
If I were to rewind my life back to say 5-6 years ago, I could have done with taking stock of my day-to-day activities and clearing my schedule of many activities that were not serving me and I could have delegated some of my chores! Instead, I tried to do it all and in the process was being depleted and robbed of precious energy stores that could have been used in ways that were far more important – like on myself and my kids!
Let’s see what life was like for me back then:
- I had three adolescent children at three different high schools. Anyone with a child at school knows how much there is to keep on top of and up with. Times that by three!
- I was Secretary of the Performing Arts Committee at my daughter’s high school. This required a lot of work at night at home and also on weekends helping out practically at the school or at performances.
- I was a committee member on the P&F at one of my son’s schools. Aside from regular meetings, this too often involved weekend and evening commitments.
- As a parent, I was required to attend a lot of evening events across all three schools.
- Trying to keep fit – I went to boot camps on Saturdays.
- Also trying to keep fit – I did Pilates on a Monday night.
- I was working full-time doing my job and the job of my Manager, the position of which was vacant. I wasn’t paid for these extra duties. I took a lot of work home at night in order to keep up with the workload.
- I was studying at night and sat two exams during work hours in order to be able to phase in a new project management methodology to the organization where I worked, as requested by management.
- I ran a home for a family of five.
- I cooked meals for five people every night.
- I tried to keep up with my friends. I tried to be a good sister. I tried to be a good daughter. I tried to be a good mother. I tried to be a good wife.
- I had two dogs to care for.
- I tried to keep the house clean and in order but did not have enough time in which to do this.
The list goes on and on but you get the picture. The only thing I do recall that I did to help myself back then was that I engaged the services of a cleaner who came once per fortnight to clean bathrooms and do floors. That was a lovely bit of help to not ever have to worry about cleaning bathrooms or the floors! One big tick for the Min of 5 years ago! Silly me though – I always used to feel the need to have a major tidy up before the cleaner came, otherwise ‘how embarrassing’? Can you relate?!!
What else could I have done? Well I certainly could have got my husband and kids to help out more with all the household chores. I really wanted to contribute to each of my kids schools and I did, but I could have shortened the period of time I was committed to being on committees! I also should have been better at saying no sometimes to all the weekend work for the schools. I could have been a LOT kinder to myself. I didn’t have to be so damn perfect at everything and I put way too much pressure on myself to be everything to everyone but never listened to the needs of myself! I should have been practicing some self compassion and self care and I should have let go of some of my perfectionism!
How did my ridiculously busy schedule impact me and those I love? I certainly was NOT the best version of myself that I could be. I was absolutely exhausted all the time, stressed (though I didn’t always realise it), overwhelmed and rarely actually present for my family or for myself. I was running on adrenaline. Instead of taking stock and making some much-needed changes, I soldiered on trying to do it all and ultimately I had a major crash and burn. As you could imagine, this not only impacted on me in many, many ways but also my immediate and extended family.
Don’t let this be you! Listen to your body, your mind, and your spirit and if you are feeling stressed, frazzled, overwhelmed, or exhausted … maybe it is time to take stock of what activities are filling your days and make some changes!
These days life is very different for me. I left the corporate world. My kids are all finished school. Two of them are finished University studies and are working. One is still a University student. I have time to pursue my creative interests. For the first time in a long, long time – I am on NO committees!
Here are a few posts I’ve written in the past that are relative to this subject that you might be interested in reading.
Ciao for now,
Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT