This post is part of a 14 ways to help rebuild self-confidence series. We are working our way through the letters of SELF CONFIDENCE with this week’s focus being on the F in Confidence. Previously covered are Self Compassion & Self Care, 10 Ways to Enjoy your Life, Learning, Love & Laughter, Finding your passion & your happy place, Clear your schedule of activities that don’t serve you, Open-Minded – The way to go and the way to grow!, and Neutralise Your Inner Critic & Self-Doubter.
If we let fear control us, we are not free to be the best version of ourselves. If we don’t feel free we can’t feel confident. If we want to feel confident, we need to conquer our fears.
There’s a couple of quotes that really resonate with me. This one (by Doe Zantamata):
“Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen.”
If we let it, fear will paralyse us! We could have great ideas that never progress, great potential that never gets realised, so many goals that never get achieved – all because we let fear control us.
And then there is this quote said by Darren Rowse at the Problogger Event last year:
“Courage is not a feeling you wait for before you take action. Courage is DOING it scared.”
It’s true. You can’t wait until you feel like a big courageous lion before you move forward with whatever it is that you are fearful about, because you could be waiting a long, long time! You have to accept being scared and having fears and do it anyway.
So how can we accept our fears? What might be a way to help manage them?
- The first thing to realise is that you are not alone. Everyone has fears. Everyone! The difference is that some people are willing to work through their fears in order to get where they want to be and others let their fears control and paralyse them.
- The process of facing fears is called EXPOSURE. Exposure is pushing on and bit by bit easing yourself into that space that you fear, until your anxieties lessen. Lean into your fear!
- Write it all down. Make a list of your fears. Name them and list what are those dreadful things you think MIGHT happen. Then list all those wonderful things that COULD happen. How much do want those wonderful things and how likely are those dreadful things going to happen huh?
- Believe in yourself. We are our own worst critics. You deserve success and good fortune just as much as anyone else.
Fear and self-doubt go hand in hand, so you might also be interested to read this post.
So what is fear stopping you from doing?
Ciao for now,
Linking up with Kylie Purtell for #IBOT
24 Comments
Such a beautiful post. I love the first quote especially. It’s important to drop all the ‘what ifs’ in order to push ourselves forward.
Thanks Jody – yes we can be champions at coming up with the ‘what if’s’ can’t we?! 😉
I think Darren was paraphrasing John Wayne, who said : “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway”
Either way, very true sentiment.
Ahhh yes most likely. I knew it must have stemmed from another quote as it seemed a little familiar. Like you, I love it though either way! 🙂
Great useful post! Fear is such a powerful paralyser like you said IF we let it be.
I always try to ask myself what is the worst that can happen and will I care about it in a months time if it does actually happen. Quite often this allows me to overcome my fear and take action.
Thank you Ingrid! I’ve let fears hold me back many, many times. I realise now though that everyone has fears (not just me!) and that you just need to push on regardless. Everything usually turns out better than you thought it would. 🙂
My word or mantra for this year is ‘brave’, to tackle the feelings of fear and failure. To be brave and just do it! It’s uncomortable at times, but it’s working for me so far and I am feeling much better about myself for it.
Brave is a great word Alicia! I’ve had to try and be brave many times lately in order to push on and do stuff that I have fears around. It helps knowing that it is quite normal and that almost everyone has fears, so I’m not alone. I’m so glad you’re feeling better for being brave and just doing it! Go you! 🙂 xo
I’m not always successful at it, but I try not to let fear hold me back. I acknowledge the fear and try and push past it. I am actually not good at trying new things, and ProBlogger for me was a huge new thing, I have been doing other little new things since then. I am already feeling nervous about ProBlogger again this year, so many faces, and names I cannot remember, but will push through and face another fear. xx
Oh I’m not always successful at it either Nicole but I’m getting better at it. I never would have known you were nervous at ProBlogger last year. I wish I were going this year. I just can’t justify the expense unfortunately. I can see that I will be suffering FOMO soon! Good on you for booking and going regardless of your fears. I’m sure all will be ok and you’ll feel so much better about yourself after. 🙂 xo
It is so hard to face your fears at times Min. I struggle with this everyday. But I know it is important to do if I want to change.
Big hugs Min xoxo
I know it can be hard. Real hard sometimes! There are some fears that I can’t conquer just yet but then there are the ones that I accept and push on through. For me it really helps knowing that even the really successful people have fears that they have to push on through. Main thing is to keep trying. The more you conquer, the better you start to feel about yourself and the braver you become. Big hugs back at you Cathy! 🙂 xo
Oh I love those quotes and you’re right, Min, fear is only as paralysing as you allow it to be. I have been venturing a little outside of my comfort zone the past year or so and facing some of my fears. It’s very liberating and not nearly as scary as I imagined it to be. What an ace series!
Good for you Sammie, and thank you! 🙂 xo
I do try to be less fearful about what I fear and on some days it works, on others not. The quote I know from Dr Russ Harris, who wrote The happiness trap and about becoming confident goes long the lines ‘the doing is the act of confidence, the feeling of confidence comes later’. Great to see the posts series and I hope to be back for more, Min!
You’ve been doing great lately Denyse (just my observations from afar) – you’re incredibly creative and artistically talented and creating such amazing work. You also seem to have settled where you’re living now and appear to be feeling much more content. I’ve read ‘The Happiness Trap’ – think I even wrote a post about it once. I agree with that quote. It’s sort of like “fake it till you make it”. Act confident first. Feel confident later. Thanks Denyse! 🙂 xo
I love the courage quote. I’ve never thought about things that way. Thanks Min xx
It’s great isn’t it. My pleasure. 🙂 xo
My word for last year was fearless. And I confronted my fears head on. It wasn’t that I leaped out, full steam ahead without fear, but I simply made myself concentrate on fearing-less. It wasn’t easy, but I know I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t. And it’s a continual process. The biggest fear, I’m still challenged most by is putting myself in social situations.
Well done Jodi – you’re right that it’s not easy but it is the only way to move forward towards where you want to be and there’s a real sense of achievement when you get there! I understand your fear around social situations. I’m ok in small groups but get overwhelmed in large social situaitons. ProBlogger last year is a great example of me facing my fears. There were nearly 800 people at that event – very confronting – but I did it! (I made sure I had a room all to myself to retreat to when I needed to though) 🙂
I think some of the best moments of your life are usually when you faced your fears and went for it! You’re so right that fears can paralyse you from achieving something you’re very capable of doing, you just need the confidence and supportive nudge to get there. My current fear is giving up chocolate. We are smashing through half a block each night, just me and Farmer. I know come Spring that bad habit will need to STOP! Nooooooo! But it will be for the best I just know it 🙂 #teamIBOT xx
I just met an old friend for lunch who faced her fears and self doubts and is now living her dream! So, you’re right in saying that the best moments of your life can be found when you face your fears and go for it! Ahhhh choccy – yum – not easy to give up! Good luck! 😉 xo
Ah, my old friend, Fear. Sometimes, I don’t realise how detrimental fear is to achieving my goals. Rather than sweep the feeling away and never do what I want to do, I know it’s better to face fear and deal with it. Darren Rowse always comes up with great quotes – especially about fear.
Some fears are easier to face and deal with than others. Darren sure comes up with some beauties! 😉 x